just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
