I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
