i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
