apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
