I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
