boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
