Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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