I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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