Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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