There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
