if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
