ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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