On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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