By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
