i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
