the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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