Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
