I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
