i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
time to smoke my breakfast
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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