I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
