Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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