you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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