dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
