my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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