guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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