my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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