I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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