the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
