PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
