There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
