you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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