Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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