I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
