...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
