in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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