Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
