We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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