is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
