Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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