so that wasnt chicken after all
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
