Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
