i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
