You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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