3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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