My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
