Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
