Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
