I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
