I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
