That's when you crack a 10am beer
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
